Abstinence is the practice of not engaging in sexual behavior. Another term for abstinence is celibacy. There are two kinds of abstinence or celibacy - complete and partial. Complete celibacy occurs when a person refrains from any kind of sexual behavior, including masturbation. Partial celibacy occurs when an individual does not engage in sexual behavior with another person, but it allows masturbation as an acceptable behavior.
Reasons for abstinence
Many people choose to be abstinent for religious reasons, while others simply feel they are not ready to engage in sex yet - or they have not found the right person. Some people choose to be abstinent until they are married and can be sure their relationship is one of complete commitment.
People who are abstinent can worry less about contracting sexually transmitted diseases (Although one could still contract STDs through genital rubbing) or becoming pregnant before they are in a stable relationship and ready to become parents. Abstinent people can fall in love, and experience all the beautiful feelings of love. If your partner stays with you without you having sex, that is a good indicator that your partner loves you.
When people decide to have sex, they cannot always trust that their partner will be completely honest about his or her sexual history and activities. What if your partner has an STD or doesn't care about pregnancy? Condoms provide some protection from STD's and pregnancy, but they are not 100% foolproof.
Even if your partner is honest with you about his or her sexual past, you cannot be absolutely sure that either of you is STD free (if you are or have been sexually active). Many STD's have no noticeable symptoms. That may sound a little scary, but it is better to get tested at a clinic and be absolutely sure when it comes to your sexual health, not to mention the health of those you care about. Being sexually responsible takes work, and if you don't feel you are ready for the responsibility, abstinence is the best way to protect yourself.
Many drug and alcohol recovery programs encourage celibacy while their participants are getting better. This gives recovering individuals a chance to evaluate their sexual feelings while sober, without actually engaging in sexual behavior. Often the stress or worries that may be associated with a sexual relationship can cause relapse into drug use. Abstaining from sex helps simplify a person's life and reduce the pressures that might drive the individual back to drug or alcohol abuse - or other irresponsible behavior.
Benefits of abstinence
- Less worries about contracting sexually transmitted diseases.
- No worries about becoming pregnant.
- Giving yourself the time to become sexually educated before you become sexually active.
- Waiting for the perfect person can make your first sexual experience very special when the right time comes.
Disadvantages of abstinence
- Many abstainers feel like they are the only people not having sex (although this is far from the truth).
- Not experiencing the physical pleasure of sexual intercourse. Fortunately, there are many different ways to experience physical pleasure - see alternatives to sex below.
Alternatives to sex
Many people feel as though sex is the only way to experience physical pleasure. However, there are many alternatives to sex that can be both emotionally and physically fulfilling, not to mention highly enjoyable.
- kissing
- cuddling
- exchanging massages
- creating special dates (go to a movie, amusement park, etc.)
- talking
- taking long walk
- masturbation
- making up your own fantasies (romantic or sexual)
- holding hands
- dancing
The list could go on and on. Be creative and think how many fun things you could add. If you decide not to engage in sex for whatever reason, you can have a great time coming up with many enjoyable alternatives to sex that you can share with your significant other.
© - Reproduced with permission of SexInfo, University of California at Santa Barbara, 2007.